Lard Malfunction is a RED scout created by Steam user (and non-YouTuber) Digital Anomaly. He is a scout that roams the Badlands and hunts for Sandviches, which are it's main source of nutrition; however it also eats bacon. It wears Flight of the Monarch, Flunkyware, and Hanger-On Hood. He has a BLU nemesis who happens to be his twin, Ass 400,000. Whenever someone calls for him, he suddenly appears on top of a nearby building and then jumps off and does twelve cartwheels, while yelling his name.


Lard Malfunction can stick to surfaces like a fly, and using his super-smell, can locate Sandvich (and ultimately, Sandvich carriers). He has a lack of sight, but makes up for it with his super-hearing and smell. He also carries a Golden Pan, which he uses to scam people into giving him sandviches. He uses only melee weapons, or no weapons at all. He is also proficient in several martial arts, and has much more strength as compared to most Scouts. Despite this, his durability is even weaker than an average Scout, (about 90 HP) making him a Glass Cannon.


Lard Malfunction is quite friendly with anyone, especially to anyone who gives him a Sandvich. However, if refused, he can become quite aggressive. Once he sees someone as a friend, he will always assist them when needed. If someone betrays him, he will go to all extents to cause their demise.

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